another short revival

it's been a long time since i haven't had to think (much) about work. today's my first ever break since training. phew. it's really much appreciated! i wonder if the security guard at my work place is wondering why he didn't see me.

anyway, since i had some time.... someone suggested i blogged. and i thought hey why not seems like a good idea. then i realised i have no idea what to say. alamak.

not very smart huh?

oh ok. i know now. there's been something i've wanted to clarify for the longest time. and now that it has kinda died down i guess it would be a good time to talk about it.

the scholarship.

some of you might know about it. some of you might not. if you don't, then i rather you don't. it's not a big deal at all.

ok i' ve had questions about why and blah blah blah and that's fine. but there were two things i heard (not from the horses mouth of course) that really shocked me.

1. a friend suggested that it was done in order for me to win the school award that i was lucky enough to win.
2. a few friends suggested that it was done to further myself "politically" in the work place.

i wldnt be shocked if someone i didnt know mentioned it since they don't know who i am. but for people who call me a friend and to think of me that way.... well..... i don't know what to say.

in reference to part 1: the scholarship was formed long before there was ever any talk about the school award. i did it the first week i returned from my exchange when i suggested it to dean pang. and since its formation, the original plan was to have that scholarship announced during the accounting portion of commencement in its own individual ceremony instead of during the speech that i gave. it was only after the award was won that the plans changed. in fact, i never mentioned the scholarship once during my interview for the award. if you're wondering why i won the award, i can tell you it's partly because of luck, and partly because of the people around me. was it because of the scholarship? i believe the school is not so shallow as to have done, or even thought, that.

in reference to part 2: why would the scholarship further me in the workplace? that i simply don't understand. if anything, it has only brought about attention which i'm uncomfortable receiving. think about it. i'm new, i know absolutely nothing about the industry compared to all my colleagues.... something like this would definitely to some extent raise their expectations of me. in all honesty, it would have been better for me "politically" if this didn't hit the news at all. i was so glad i was away in training when the news first hit... who would have thought a second round would come when i got back. ah well.

question to you: must all kind actions be politically-motivated?

my apologies if i'm coming off naive but that's the way i feel about the whole thing.

i started something that i believe in. and having met the recipient... i am so much more encouraged to continue with the scholarship.

hui fang, i know you probably won't be reading this. but i hope you're having fun in barca!